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Mr. Killman
Mr. Killman is what might just be the most irrelevant character of not just Kirby Krisis, but the Dreamtropolis universe as a whole. Killman is a young guy who was abandoned by his father, Drake Killman, who later requests him to pilot a deadly technological device known as the "Smart Ads Gizmondo" to protect Little St. James Island from the FBI. Backstory As a child, Killman apparently witnessed one of his dogs being struck and killed by a car while playing street hockey, though he has no memory of the event. He didn't realize this was happening because he had something in his eye for approximately twelve minutes, and also something in his ear so he couldn't hear the screams. The perpetrator of this devious even also happened to take Killman's DNA samples and place them all over the car, including a nametag that said "Property of Mr. Killman". This was known as the spark that caused Killman to become a crazed murderer, even though he would never murder anyone again. Killman left home at age 12 and enlisted in the Israel Defense Force, because his mother asked him to please do the dishes one too many times. He spent most of the three years of his military service hunting for Mikan Goes To Subway, an endeavor which would never be solved in his lifetime. Killman moved to Jacksonville, Florida, where he worked in a variety of jobs, including selling goods door-to-door and telling you why Total Drama Island was actually the greatest show of all time on YouTube. He would find his father Drake at the Great Opinion Awards, where he presented him with the Greatest Opinion Fucking Ever Award. Drake told him he was kind of sorry about that whole 'leaving him' thing, and he was forgiven. He was dishonorably discharged from the military for acts that shall be left unspoken. On June 3, 2009, at the age of 72, Mr. Killman was found dead in his room at the Swissôtel Nai Lert Park Hotel on Wireless Road, near Sukhumvit Road, in central Bangkok, Thailand. He was in Bangkok to shoot his latest film, titled Stretch. A police official said that Killman was found naked, hanging by a rope in the room's closet, causing immediate speculation that his death was suicide. However, reported evidence suggested that his death was accidental, the result of autoerotic asphyxiation. Two autopsies were conducted, one involving the celebrity pathologist Pornthip Rojanasunan, and both concluded that the death was not a suicide. The cause of death became widely accepted as "accidental asphyxiation". Trivia * Mr. Killman is the sole reason why that thing you've been waiting for hasn't come out. Sucks to be you. * Insert funny joke here * Killman's favorite comic book is The Unfunnies. He finds it very ironic, as the comic that's named The Unfunnies is actually funny. These opinions are those of Mr. Killman, and do not represent the Kirby Krisis Wiki. * In 1974, Killman joined the KKK as the first ever gay wizard, ending the KKK raff beef. * Killman is the local police chief, not to be confused with the Bigger Police Chief, who is hell-bent on destroying everything Killman ever loved, such as crack cocaine, cute and funny pictures, and trespassing. Tresspassing into John Lennon's house to murder him, anyways.